Fancy Snapper Racks

Sometimes I take to the sea, free as a bird, beautiful as a…bird. One of the good-looking birds, obviously. Not like an emu, which can have grace, but in an unearthly way.

I own a boat, of course: the J’Cinta Regalia. That’s right…I named it after me! It has all my natural qualities: buoyant, sleek, kind, altruistic, and so lovely to look at that simply appearing in public is like an act of charity. I buzz around the bay, posed at the helm wearing something flowing and breezy so I appear as a Greek goddess of old, except my expression is more regal than theirs.

I have all the latest things, of course, especially since I undertook that job designing snapper racks exclusively for high-class galas. I almost got the contract to design the fishing rod holders as well, but I missed out on the pitch because I was too busy admiring myself in the office mirror. That does keep happening, but at least I was given the chance to design the fanciest snapper racks the world has ever seen, to be used at fancy boat parties where fishing is also on the agenda. Fancy fishing, where they catch swordfish and whales, using other, smaller swordfish and whales as bait. I hear they use cranes to winch them down into the water and then back up while the dinner guests giggle and swish champagne in their glasses. It might have been nice to invite the designer to one of those galas, but never mind. I’m not bitter. 

What was I saying? Oh yes…I fitted the snapper rack I designed to my very own boat, so that people could see what I made. I don’t actually fish, but it’s an excellent advertisement for the stainless steel fabrication companies in Melbourne. And me. At any point someone could see my on my boat, looking majestic, one foot astride my personally designed snapper rack, and decide they’d like to contract my services. Or they could just think that I look gorgeous.

-J’Cinta Regalia