I never thought I’d have to walk to a British Noblemen of Melbourne meeting, but here I am. Usually, I drive my Ferraron, making sure all the regular people know that I am a man of great importance, born into a rich family, descended directly from the knights of legend. Not today, for my Ferrarron has broken down and is currently at the best mechanic in Hawthorn for repairs. No matter. My superior posture, immaculate black coat and polished rapier will tell people everything they need to know. Don’t mess with me, or I’ll call my family and have you put in the dungeons of Blackthorn Castle.
I’m sure you’d love to know what we get up to during our BNM meetings, but I’m afraid that is private information, known only to the wealthiest and most royal-blooded of British citizens. So, if you are not one of those, I must ask you to leave this blog post and find another to read. If you’re still reading, I assume that means you pass the criteria, in which case, congratulations. I’ll tell you all about our meetings, while I walk from the car service shop near Hawthorn to the meetinghouse.
Every meeting begins with chocolate milk and cookies, followed by a long game of charades and human-chess (at the same time). When things get wild, we throw a round of I Spy in there too. For the next three hours we watch old Disno movies and sing along to the songs. Before each meeting closes, we share our darkest secrets and hopes for the future. In order to keep the location of our meetinghouse secret, we leave the building one at a time, in descending order of height. It really is a great time, and I’d encourage you to join our ranks if you are able (which you obviously are, since you are reading this). Hopefully we will see you there!
– Rory Blackthorn III