The Green Queen

Oh my goodness gosh-ness gracious me, Patty is THE worst. I swear, it’s like she’s competing in the International Worst Olympics and is currently in the middle of a gold-medal-winning, record-setting performance. She’ll finish her routine (at being the worst), give a flourish to the judges, a flourish to the audience, then they’ll all award her a perfect ten at being the worst. She’ll climb the podium, and confetti will rain down upon her as she holds up her gold medal.

No crowd cheering, though. They’ll just be sitting there with their arms folded, expression judging, like I am right now.

“Yeah, so, the careers guy told me that I could have a long career in traffic management plans. Traffic dictates where everyone goes, so I guess I’ll be running the country in a few years, hee-hee!”

I’m going to get onto that stupid laugh in due time, but let’s focus in on this traffic management plan thing she can’t shut up about. We all got the results of our career test, and of course, that was hers. Most people would just accept it and move on, but not Patty. Not even close.

She takes every little thing and turns it into a reason why she’ll be a fabulous success. She’s going to create green travel plans one day, so naturally, that means she’s going to save the planet from ecological disaster. She’s the only person in the class who knows what the Oxford comma is; obviously, this is an indicator that her novel will be a bestseller, making her rich. She’s the only person who forgets casual clothes day; she’s the only one to realise that the real creativity on that day was wearing a uniform.

See what I mean? Now it’s all about green travel plans, car parking design and traffic impact assessments. She will be Queen Patty, Lady of Traffic Control, Mistress of the Road, She of the Vcat Expert Report…creation. 

I look forward to her asking me if I want fries with that.

-Kath Linika